Wednesday, November 19, 2008: Hi Precious! I hope you have not forgotten about me! This is day 9 since you have been gone. I can’t believe I have not seen you in 9-days. We are getting close Beautiful!!! Monday was a tough day. That marked one-week since you have been gone. I feel somewhat responsible, like I fed you to the lions that morning. I wish I would have hugged you longer that morning and kept you home. You would still be here if I did. I am soooo sorry Sam. I have been trying to keep my mind busy because I feel myself walking that line between obsession with finding you and depression that this has actually happened. Our friends have been absolutely awesome in reaching out and giving their support. I keep your pictures with me. Pictures are all I have at the moment Sweetie. Adriana Coronel Tenorio (AKA Adriana Howitt Coronel, Ari Coronel, Ari Coronel Tenorio, Ari Howitt, Ari Howitt Coronel) took everything else from the house. All your furniture. All the art work you made for me. They even took the Father’s Day gift you made me. BUT I do have pictures of it! Everywhere I go, you have gone with me. Littleman misses you too! He wanted me to say “MEOW” for him to you!
The good news is the investigators are out looking for you. I am hopeful I will see you for Christmas. I just can’t imagine the holiday’s without you. I bought a book. It’s called “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters”. A friend of mine has 2 daughters and he has this book in his home. I loved it so much I bought a copy for us. I can’t wait to share it with you. You and I have a special bond Sam. I felt it even before you were born. I have this picture of you when you were 2-days old. Back then I could hold you with one hand. I was overwhelmed at how beautiful you are. And that I was so blessed to be your Dad. That second night you were sleeping in the bed and I was curled up next to you. When you sleep, you like a lot of room. Your arms and legs all spread out, just like Dad! You felt my hand when you were sprawling out and grabbed my finger. Not only did you grab my finger you were holding on tight. You had quite the grip for a new born baby. I was lucky enough to have my camera near by to take a picture of this precious moment. One of thousands you have given me already in your 2 ½ years. I am thinking about having that picture tattooed on my arm in honor of you. I never really wanted a tattoo before. I can’t think of a better dedication as we go through this tough time. When you see it you will understand what it really means. Our bond will never fade Sammy!
My apologies for how raw this journal may seem. Words can’t fully express how my heart aches over this situation. I have never felt anything like this. Ever. I miss you so much Samy. Not a minute goes by where you are not on my mind. You have always been in my heart and on my mind. I am writing you as I feel in the moment. Someday I have to explain all this to when you are old enough to understand. I hope this journal will help you understand. You are about to become the world’s most spoiled Princess when this is all over! I hope you are OK with that. I am here for you Sweetie! I am working very hard to find a resolution to this as fast as I can. Sweet dreams Sammy. I hope you are dreaming of me. I LOVE YOU!!!!
